This is the beach at Koh Samet, then me, my girlfriend Kristen, and my friend Jean.

Back again, for the last time

Well friends, it's been a long road, with relatively few posts from me, but this road has ceased to be paved and is slowly morphing from a gravel road to a path to an overgrown part of the woods, which bring us back, of course, to the road less travelled by.
I moved out of my apartment today. It wasn't so much a sad day, (as I am very ready to come home) as much as a day of disbelief. I feel as if I have been over here for a long time. Too long, in fact. Yet, it seems that I do not know where the time went to. I will be home on Thursday, April 6. All of you Dallasites better be ready to welcome me home that weekend. It has been a tumultuous, trying, and affirming stint here in Asia. I have learned so much about myself. I have also learned that I love the state of Texas and the American educational system. Don't ever take for granted your education. Because it could suck. And then where would you be? That's right. You would be not in the same place that you are now.
I'm sorry I have nothing funny or insightful today. I'm really just kind of frazzled, as I have been for the last several weeks. I'm just ready to be home. It is such a funny phenomenon. Right now, there is nothing appealing to me about Bangkok. I just want home. Home as I know it, as I have always known it. The same home which has seemed mundane at time to me, before. Yet I know that sooner or later I will miss Thailand and the mysteries of it. It is that familiar catch-22 that happens so often to us in life. But that is life. And right now, I'm just looking forward to seeing all of you. I love you and I miss you. I have lots of pictures and lots of stories. As my father has told me several times, "It's always nice to go, but it's even better to come home." That's probably not verbatim, but it's close enough.
I'm off to China in the morning, which I am excited about. Then it's to Cambodia to see one of the seven wonders of the world - Angor Wat, or Siem Reap in the local tongue. See you in April.
This is probably my last post from Thailand, although I will continue when I return. Thank you all for reading.
Jordan

Long Overdue

You've probably all quit checking this thing by now, since I keep promising to update more frequently and I have failed to do so. I'm sorry. My internet hasn't been working for a few days, which is very unfortunate, since I have all these pictures of me hanging out with tigers. Yes, real, big-enough-to-eat-me-alive tigers. I'm sure that was a comforting statement for any of my reading family members.

On Sunday night, I attended the biggest rap show ever to come through Bangkok. I think. We were lucky enough to catch Ha-Sip, which is Thai for "Fiddy." That's right. 50 Cent was here with his G-Unit buddies. And Gus, I'm sorry to say, he's the worst performer I've ever seen. Now, if he were ever to read this, I would have to go into hiding for the rest of my life, but I'm not worried about that. He really was awful. No stage presence. The only thing he could ever think to say was "put your hands up" or "put both your hands up." The greatest thing about the show, which was outside with several thousand attendees, was the phalanx of Thai people who were all thugged out. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. All these Thai dudes and girls walking with the weighted step which I guess would be referred to as a "swagger" and wearing clothes too big for Andre the Giant, much less for a five and a half foot Thai, and wearing hats at funny angles. THere I was in my topsiders, khaki shorts and polo shirt. The other acts were much better than "Fiddy." It pains me to type that phrase. There was Fort Minor, which is a side project of Mike Shinoda of Linkin Park. THe cool thing about that was that he had a string section on stage and a back up choir. All his music was live - no loops, no gimmicks. I can appreciate that. Then there was a Thai rap group called Thaitanium. So clever I don't know what to do with myself. They were really good. I think they were all educated in the states, because they all spoke perfect English and even peppered their between-song banter with a few "ya'lls," to my enjoyment since I'm the only Texan around here.
Today, Tuesday, February 28, in the year of our Lord 2006, will go down in history as my last official day of teaching. I cannot say I'm sad. I love my kids, and I abhore the system used at this school. So, exams start tomorrow, and though I will be at school through March 13, I am done teaching as of today. I can't believe I've been here for a full semester. But, I am ready to kiss good ole American soil, especially Texas soil. Friends and family, I love you all. Sorry if I've been out of touch. I hope today finds all of you well. Grace and peace to all of you, and prayers are much appreciated, as life isn't getting easier over here the more I begin to miss you all.

Jordan

Food poisoning or the flu?

How could I not know if I have the flu or food poisoning? Well, the doctor couldn't tell me, so how should I know. It's been a great week - you know, fever/chills/sweating/not being able to stand up for more than a few minutes at a time...I'm better now though. I hope. However, at the hospital, I was interviewed by the Japanese media. Lights, camera, mic and all. They wanted to know why I chose Bumrungrad Hospital and how I found my experience there to be. So if you happen to watching Japanese news, you might see me. I should've taken the opportunity to tell them to do something about their airport system.
So, whoever the random person was that posted a comment denigrating Ryan Adams, identify yourself or shut up. Or Rusty will hurt you. And Evan will sue you. And I will write bad things about you, if I find out who you are. Okay, that's a bit extreme. Everyone is entitled to his or her opinion. Just don't be a nancy and not say who you are.
This weekend, I'm headed out of the city (sigh of relief) to Kanchanaburi. That is where the Bridge of the River Kwai is, for any of you WWII buffs. It is also home to what is referred to as the Tiger Temple. The monks there raise tigers. They are all tame and they just walk around and you hang out with them. Oh, and I'm going to ride an elephant. Should be a good time. No school Monday for me. Excellent. Sorry I haven't been keeping this thing up to date. I promise to do better. And to post some more pictures. Until next time. Adieu.
Jordan

Thank you Mr. Adams

I would like to dedicate this post (like he cares) to a man who has always been there for me. No matter what kind of day you've had, he understands. He's lived enough lives for all of us, I think. Whether you're picking flower petals, counting the pieces of your broken heart, or anything in between, I guarantee you one of Ryan Adams' eight full length albums (it might be more, I have eight) is certain to meet you wherever you are.
He released three full albums in 2005, one of which was a double disc. There's nothing to say to that. That is simply incredible. In my brief days in the recording studio, I remember how long it took to lay down one track. (Granted part of that was due to questionable technicians, right Shark and D Child?) Anyhow, there are many days here in Bangkok and elsewhere, when I have been very grateful to Mr. Adams for his music and his understanding. Thank you Ryan.
I have nothing else new. Tomorrow night, my second graders are to take the Thai universe by storm with a new interpretation of that most tumid of tales, Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. I believe this will also be the first elementary school show with a beer tent. Yes, that's right. We were practicing today, when I noticed that there are several little bungalow/kiosks off to the side of where the parents will be. One of souvenirs. What kind of souvenir you buy at a show like this, I'm not sure. Another for food and drinks. Standard. Then one for beer. Interesting. There are sure to be some rather rambunctious parents applauding for their children tomorrow. Maybe they won't notice how much this show is going to suck. Hi to everyone back home, including my poor lonely new car which I have the urge to drive right now.
Jordan

read me

I don't have the mental fortitude to think of a title line right now. Today, like every day, finishing a day at Kasintorn Academy feels something like used as a tackling dummy by the office linebacker. Remember those commercials? Really funny. For the past two weeks, my second grade class has been working feverishly to get this play ready. "Snow White, Harry Potter, and the Seven Dwarves." Don't worry, it was penned by yours truly. Broadway is not ready for this level of genius. Anyways, there are several better occupations than trying to get 11 seven-year-olds to rehearse a musical, while the other 13 in the class are supposed to sit still and watch the rehearsal. Yeah, seven year olds are really good at sitting still for hours on end. One better, and more enjoyable occupation I have been looking into is being a human ashtray. You know, let people put out their cigarettes on me. That would less stressful and more pleasant than much of my current job.

I realized that under the title of this collection of random outpourings that some call a blog, I have written that I am running from the real world. Let me go ahead and reassure you that the real world found me. It found me, sealed me up inside the building in which it found me, barred the exits and turned on the heat full blast. Then it sent the office linebacker in with a pair of brass knuckles and steel-toe boots.

Sorry I've had nothing of note to say lately. There's just not much new here now. I am going to China though. After school gets out. I'm excited. I also have a lot of itunes gift money. Give me some good new music to buy. The last two albums I bought were the new Strokes album and Ryan Adams' "29". To give you insight into my tastes. Sorry for all the whining today. It'll get better after my premier on Friday. I consider this play my literary magnum opus, so who knows, the sky is the limit.

Jordan

Toky-oh-no never again please

Sorry, I've been AWOL for while. I was in the states last week and it was wonderful. I got a new car, which unfortunately I had to leave in the garage for two months. What was not wonderful was my trip back to Bangkok.
The first leg, though 13 hours, wasn't too bad. I actually got a little sleep on the plane, which usually doesn't happen even with presciption strength sleeping pills. So I get from Dallas to Toyko and arrive in Tokyo at 4:45 p.m. My flight to Bangkok is scheduled for 6:45 p.m. A two-hour layover. Now, it was snowing a little. Maybe three or four inches on the ground. Not exactly a blizzard. They tell us the flight is delayed. Okay, I can deal with that. It's the first time I've seen snow in a while and I'm kind of enjoying it. Then the flight keeps getting delayed. I'm increasingly anxious to leave Tokyo-Narita airport, which is one of the worst airports I have ever been through, and I've been through a lot of airports. (By the by, the new AA terminal at DFW is absolutely immaculate. Every restaurant you can think of. And others.) But after a 13 hour leg and a dragging-on layover, I want out of Japan. Then at 11:30 p.m., they mention to us, as some kind of sidenote, that our flight is cancelled.
Panic! At gate B72. They throw me a blanket, which cannot cover my chest and feet in the same stretching, include a McD's fish sandwich, and tell me to find a nice spot on the floor because we can't leave. The nearest hotel is 36 miles, it's all booked, and there's no transportation out of the airport. So I get a few shivering hours of sleep on the floor and wake up to hopefully get a flight out in the morning.
"Your new flight is scheduled for departure at 6:45 p.m." Sweet, that's only 24 hours later. So after passing another exciting day inside the immigration gates of the airport, we finally board the plane a little after seven. And proceed to remain seated in the plane, without moving until around 11:00 p.m. Meanwhile a smelly, large Japanese man is seated beside me. I watch him be served his dinner, which I am not served until an hour later, and literally shovel his food into his mouth. Yes, there are large Japanese men, and yes, I mean he picked his plate up, held it a couple of inches from his mouth, and shovelled his food from his plate to his mouth. I don't think he ever even chewed. He finished his supper in probably two minutes.
Finally, 30 hours after arriving, I leave Japan. I wish I could say this was all a dream. But no, it was one of the most frustrating weekends, or just days period, of my life. And there was absolutely nothing I could do.
But, I would do it again, for the week I got to spend at home with my friends and family. My thoughtful mother even left up all of the Xmas decor for me so I could actually experience some semblance of Xmas. Thanks Mom. So I'm back at school now. And I really just want to go home. But I can't, so look forward to more stories from the "land of smiles." Yes, that is the unofficial nickname of this verdant, nonsensical country.

Better to give than to receive

The quaint old phrase is still alive and well, despite our increasingly selfish ways, even over here in Thailand. Although, here it has becomes manifest in a slightly different form. You, see I received many gift from my students for Xmas/ New Year (since many of them do not celebrate Xmas). These include, but are not limited to:
not two but three ugly, even heinous neckties (Two of Thai silk though)
Two towels
A small girl's coin purse
A kangaroo keychain
A pink teddy bear key chain
Hershey's chocolates with raisins.
An XL collared shirt
A collared shirt which reads "I love the king" in Thai, or so I was told
A diary, which says "boy" on the cover
A jacket with student's father's company logo
A bag " " " " " "
A planner " " " " "
A mug " "
A pen set

The greatest thing about all of this, is that many of these items, were received first by the student and his or her family and regifted to me. Ex. 1: One of the ties was a freebie from a cable company, whose logo is on the tie. Ex. 2: The pen set, which is rather nice, is engraved with someone else's name.

Sometimes, despite all of the drudgery and frustration and the immense, ever-increasing ball of red tape, I really do like my job. I love my kids. I usually love them more when we are outside the classroom and I can just horse around with them. But I do love them.

Friends, I will be in Dallas Jan 14 - 20. I hope to see all of you. I will still have my same old phone number, so call me.
Koh Chang, the island where I spent New Year's was fantastic. Three days on the beach doing nothing, living in a bungalow. And by that, I mean a legit bungalow, made out of bamboo and palm leaves. It was a good time. My fair red-headed self may actually have a little more color than all of you back home. Although I've been hearing that D-town has been unseasonably warm, which I find disconcerting, since I am banking on a little cold weather during my short stint back in the fold of the states. Notice I said color, not tan. I wish all of you a late Happy 2006. And thank goodness someone finally took down the USC regime. See you soon.

Jordan

Dear kids, Santa is a myth

There I was, sweating in my bed,
visions of curry and coconuts in my head.
Then out my window there came such a clatter,
I rolled out of bed to see what was the matter.

When I realized much to my dismay,
there were the construction workers, drilling away.
Of all the ways to wake, that was certainly the best,
no family, no St. Nick, not even a good night's rest.

So in turn, I spent my Xmas going around to tell all the children that Santa isn't real. Then I realized that all of the little children are Buddhist and they don't care about Santa.
I'm kidding, Xmas wasn't that bad, but it was very strange and I certainly wished I was at home. I woke up to a messy apartment, wrote some emails, went to lunch with family friends, watched Roman Holiday, went to dinner, went to sleep, and went to work the next day. If you've never seen Roman Holiday, it's a good one. Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck. It's no National Lampoon's Xmas Vacation (right Danno?), but it was a good film. I heard it was unseasonably warm back home. I assure you friends, it was warmer here. It was actually just plain hot.
I went to a Xmas Eve candlelight service at ECB (Evangelical Church of Bangkok) which is led by an American ministry team. We sang a song about Jesus to the tune of Rudolph the red nosed reindeer. I little hokey, but as close to home as I could get.
I'm working every day this week, which is powerfully not cool. Mais, c'est la vie. On the bright side, this Friday night I'm off to the beach for four days. Excellent. See you chaps soon.

Jordan

Do you need my assistance?

My friend Joe shared with me one of the funniest stories I have heard lately, which I will kindly pass on to you, dear readers.
Joe's friend, whose name I don't know, apparently found the local law enforcement to be a bit lackluster. So he put on a spiderman costume, walked down the local police station, and asked the cops if they needed his assistance. I would have paid a lot of money to have seen that first hand.

Sorry, I've been awol for a while. Life's been busy over here. Last week all my kids had exams. This means I had to make reviews to prepare them and I had to grade them. Here's the deal: over here, kids only have to make a fifty to pass. Being American, hailing from a country with a wonderful education system, you would think that would be easy. But no. I don't write the tests, and the tests have a tendency not to be like the material I have taught them.

So it's Xmas Eve. I've been playing "So This is Christmas" a lot because it seems rather appropiate to me. We did have our Kasintorn Academy Christmas party. Yours truly was found playing Xmas songs on the guitar in a corner. They were playing house music in the other corner, which is where everyone else was. They love to play music like that at school. It's weird. Parents walking around, little girls in ridiculously short santa skirts, techno music, a whole pig on the table. Let's talk about that. There was just a big pig on the table and this guys was butchering it right there. It was already cooked, but it still had a nose and mouth and teeth and it was a little strange. I'll put up a pic when I get them back from my friend.

I haven't much to report really. It's just been a lot of school related happenings. For New Year's I'm headed to the beach at Koh Chang for four days. It will be excellent. I get no holidays for Xmas. I teach all of next week. Enjoy your vacation everyone. Enjoy Xmas. I wish I was there.

Lastly, everyone needs to check out a band called Wolf Parade.

Jordan

telltale signs of missing home

This is bad. I realized yesterday that I miss home and the Xmas season when I had this sudden nostalgic thought about even wanting to see those abominable GAP Xmas commercials. You know the ones with the jingles that make you want to commit harakiri and yet you can't get them out of your head? Yeah, I even miss those.
One good thing, my students keep asking me what I want for Christmas. What should I tell them? Give me some suggestions. Keep in mind many of them have a lot of money. I'm thinking those new handheld playstation 2's. Have you seen them? One of the kids had one at school. Pretty sweet. They cost like 500 bucks over here. Maybe that won't happen after all. I've got nothing today. I'll be back when I have something to say. Hasta luego.

Jordan

fearfactoresque

A detail I left out of my Chaing Rai trip. Me eating bugs. Crickets and worms are it so far. No, they don't taste like chicken. Yes, they are crunchy and get stick in your teeth. I can't do anything else like the giant roaches in the picture. The worms are what my students call "Worm French Fries" and they are expensive. Clearly I did not buy them, they were given to me by a Thai and I didn't want to refuse after he spent all that money. I would object to any associate and say the name compromises the good thing that is the French fry. Bugs make squid and octopus very non daring. Incidentally, squid and octopus are both superior in taste to insects.
In other news... they were running a fabulous special at the local barber. I got a terrible, probably, yeah, definitely the worst ever, haircut for the same price as a good one would have cost. Lucky me. I think an English speaking epileptic could have done better cutting my hair because at least that person would have understood that I wanted about 2 cm cut off, not I wanted 2 cm left on my head. Mom, tell Debbie she has got some repairs to make. (That's my hair person I have been seeing for years. Say what you want, I like familiarity and I'm not afraid to visit a salon if I must.) Oh well, I'm not in Thailand to impress. Hopefully it grows back. Au revoir m'amis.

Jordan